I’m just going to throw this out there – I come from a long line of crazy people. That may be one of the reasons I was so attracted to the helping professions…I feel comfortable around “crazy!”
To make a very long story short, my dad is almost 80. He hasn’t drunk alcohol in over a decade now, but he has spent his life suffering from significant mental health issues and alcoholism, none of which he ever had treated. However, as a (former) mental health professional with my own mental health struggles, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to diagnose the guy with OCD, depression, and panic disorder with agoraphobia. The man had more obsessions than you can possible imagine. His primary obsession is about his medications – when he will get them, if and when I will come to refill them (he uses a daily medication tray), etc. Now, he doesn’t drive, nor does he use the internet, so it’s up to me to handle those medications. My sister and brother-in-law live with my dad, but this is my job, just to help ease the burden a bit.
I am a very, very reliable person. If I say I am going to do something, I do it. If I say I’m going to be somewhere…I’m there…early. During the past six years since my mom died, I have always filled my dad’s medication trays, weekly or bi-weekly, as scheduled. Yet he constantly calls and asks (often, several times a day) if I’ll be able to make it over to refill his medications. Now, these calls have increased since I’ve been sick, because I’ve had to explain that since it’s very difficult for me to drive these days, and sometimes, I may have to reschedule by a day. Let’s also keep in mind that TWO grown adults live with this man, and if I died, they SHOULD be able to handle this on their own! But no…no…..my father doesn’t want to ask my sister to take over this job temporarily since, “She might start screaming,” (which could happen…she is known to go on screaming tirades for no good reason).
It would be nice if for once in my life, I could have my family’s support during a time when I’m sick. I would love it if my sister just took this over for a bit. But that’s not going to happen, because that’s not how my family works. I’ll be expected to keep doing this, because I guess I’m viewed as a responsible and reliable person, which is lovely. And I’ll keep fielding constant calls from my father, repeating the same question over and over and over.
Yeah….this doesn’t help my stress levels at all. Will it ever be my time to get some support?
Yuck! That sucks 😞. I’m sorry you can’t ask your family to take this over for fear they’ll snap. No fair… It’s your turn to be taken care of and I wish they’d see that and help you with a smile on their face.
I think you should randomly call your dad and ask him if he’ll be making it to fill YOUR medication tray. :p
LOL!! I LOVE that! I SHOULD do it
I hear ya. Being less than completely intact was never tolerated at home when I was growing up, and after moving back here (after 17 years away), it took my dad a long time to figure out that I wasn’t at home because I didn’t want a job… he brought me the classified ads during the first weeks on disability. >:( My mom died in 2003- about 4 months after I moved back here (to help dad take care of her- dementia; she got very sick on their winter away in AZ, and died 2 days after he flew her back here, having to leave the car and their stuff in AZ). I digress. Anyway, I had no money. I had used my 403b for rent and bills, and for 3 months until long term disability kicked in, I had no income; he ‘allowed’ me to sell stuff in a garage sale at his place…but he made me pay the bill for the newspaper ad. He KNEW I didn’t have an extra $40. He wasn’t hurting financially. It was like he was punishing me for being sick. He’s been better since he’s seen some of the episodes, and got calls from people that they’d seen me in ICU (I hadn’t been able to call – it was the middle of the night when I got there, and no phones in the room); I called when I got home.
Part of that was my fault though, because I kept stuff hidden from him to some degree because of the shame of not being all well… I don’t hide stuff now, mostly.
As for you- here’s my take on things. Your sister or BIL need to know how to fill the med tray, and YOU need to be able to not go over there if you feel bad. Passing out in the car won’t help anybody. Let them yell. That’s up to them to decide if they’re going to act like toddlers. You have to take care of you- and safety is a huge issue with dysautonomia. You don’t have to participate in the dysfunctional interactions. If you’re sick, you’re sick…. OR, call and ask one of them to come and get you because you’re too lightheaded to drive safely. Do NOT put yourself in jeopardy because of potential tantrums <3